Some days it doesn’t take much to set me off. Today must be one of those days. My mind keeps repeating scenarios that have bothered me quite a bit, and I can’t seem to distract myself out of it. I hate when that happens. I’m pretty emotional today and it is exasperating all my thoughts. I hold onto a lot of pain. I am trying to work through a lot, but sometimes its just hard to shake. Something so small as a flash back to a memory, or a simple phrase or any little thing can bring it all back in a flood. Part of my problem is that I never want to really talk about what upsets me. The other part of my problem is that the list of unsettling things that randomly bother me is around a mile long, and no one would want to, or have the time to listen.
I am upset today over things I can’t change. Which I know is silly, but I am bothered by it.. and still fail to talk about it.
Quite a few people in my life who should have shown love or compassion have inflicted a lot of pain. There are so many times I wonder if I’m reaching capacity for hurt, but am quickly reminded that there is no such limit that exists. I have learned how to check out, how to almost completely remove myself emotionally in a situation. I have become so desensitized and I don’t like that, it is not who I think I once was.
This post has no point I guess. Other then if you are supposed to love or care for someone… do it with kindness… even if the person isn’t as receptive to that kindness and even responds negatively. Some people have not been shown love, or a very poor example of what it should be, and may have a hard time reciprocating. Those are the ones that need the kindness the most.. for they fight the darkest demons whether internal or external.