I am having a shit day.. nothing really in particular why, just a cumulative of shit people being ridiculous. Shitty texts, shitty e-mails, shitty phone calls which have all just added up the last few days, and making me beyond stressed out. I don’t want to go into much detail .. but basically I just have a few people in my life that suck the life right out of me, cause me frustration and pain, and there’s nothing that I can do about it… They are how they are, and who they are.. and I am, for some fucked up reason, semi obligated to have contact with some of these people that just piss me off to no end. I have minimal patience as is, and some of these people have ridiculous requests, along with ridiculous ideas on how life works…
I have a history of black listing people that continually drain me, some that were once close to me.. some that some people would never agree with one doing so… but fuck anyone who doesn’t agree.. they can try dealing with these ignorant people, and tell me if you end up not wanting to do the same in my situation.
So yea.. here I am wanting to add more to my “black list”, and completely separate myself from these “emotional leeches”… I made it this long with out some of them in my life.. I am pretty sure I can go forward without them as well.. In fact, I have spent most of my life relying on only myself for these needs these people should have filled. I’ve dumped/lost so many people in my life.. and while at one time the void bothered me… I am not sure it does any longer. I think I like being alone, a lot… I embrace it almost. Yea I miss the IDEA of having these roles filled in my life, but not by the actual people I do have in these roles.. If that makes any sense…. I never needed these people, nor do they do anything positive for me mentally.. they just stress me out, and fill me with worry and anger and vague blog posts about assholes unexplained.
I bitched about these people today .. and after going on and on about how bad they suck, how I needed them in an absolute utmost desperate situation.. I was reminded of something that I, to this day, cannot shake or understand. It was just one sentence but it stuck with me.. ingrained in my head: “You made your bed, lie in it!”
Touche’.. Trust me, I had no choice but to lay in that bed for a longgggg time… but then I got proactive (or as proactive as I could through bouts of debilitating depression), I did something, I made changes, I fought hard and worked harder. I work through the depression.. or block it out as best as I can.. some days it wins, some days I can’t be stopped if you tried..
This was kind of supposed to have a point or make sense, or continue… but now I just am over it, cause thinking about it all is pointless.
Moral of the story: People suck! Whether it is people close to you, people that should love you, people who should protect you, people who should be there and never were, people who pretend to care only to gratify their selfish needs… just a lot of people suck.